Love Shouldn’t Hurt / Dating Violence Part 3

couple at a restaurant; he is kissing her hand

Before going out on a date with someone, think about these verses. If your date does not demonstrate and treat you like the Bible says they should, there shouldn’t be a second date.

1 Corinthians 15:33  (NIV)

33 Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”[a]

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 English Standard Version (ESV)

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;[a] it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Stage 1: Have you heard anyone say…He’s/she’s great isn’t he/she? Do you mean they meet the standards above? Sweet, charming, cute, funny and so loving and I’m really in to them.

Stage2: Does your date say things like… “I’m just saying this because I am jealous of you and I really like you a lot. I’m becoming obsessed with you. Don’t get angry but I am not sure I can let go of you.

(Time to take a look at the motive behind their words and actions.)

Proverbs 4:23 NIV

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

Knowing the warning signs may help you identify a friend or loved one victimized by dating abuse:

  • Intense mood swings
  • Loss of interests in things they used to do with you as a group and things they were interested in before starting to date this person
  • Withdrawal from friends and family and no longer has the time to go out with the group of people they used to hang out with
  • Signs of physical harm or wants to change their appearance or what they do and how they act with words and actions
  • Drug use, alcohol, eating changes
  • Unexplainable fear and withdraws from talking with you and socializing
  • Sabotage or discontinued use of birth control
  • Sexual activity
  • Won’t return your phone calls, texts, social media but is constantly in contact with the new dating partner

Galatians 5:22-24 English Standard Version (ESV)

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. 24 And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

 

Reach Out Speak Out

www.ReachOutSpeakOutDV@gmail.com

Facebook: @ReachOutSpeakOut

A faith based ministry helping victims of domestic violence within our faith community.

501(3)(C)47-1630804

photo credit: Relevante design

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Love Shouldn’t Hurt / Dating Violence Pt 2

Desperate sad woman, head in hands

DATING VIOLENCE

What if we didn’t wait to tell people about the warning signs of domestic violence when they got married and in a legal arrangement. What if we educated everyone of the warning signs and what domestic violence is before our children start dating.

  • Did you know one in three teenagers in the United States of America have experienced teenage domestic violence in a dating relationship? (Physical, emotional or verbal)
  • Nearly 1.5 million high school students experience physical abuse from a dating partner in 2019
  • 1 – 10 high school students has been purposefully hit, slapped or physically hurt by a boyfriend/girlfriend
  • 33% of teens who were in an abusive relationship never tell anyone about the abuse
  • 81% of parents believe teen dating violence is not an issue or admit they don’t know if it’s an issue

RESPECT

The definition of respect is….a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements. To admire someone deeply.

  • Roughly 1.5 million high school students admit to being hit or physically harmed last year by someone they are romantically involved with
  • Teens who suffer dating abuse are subject to long term consequences like alcoholism, eating disorders, promiscuity, thoughts of suicide and violent behaviors.
  • 50% of young people who experience rape and physical abuse will attempt to commit suicide

(Information collected by Domestic Violence Services, Inc. December, 2019)

Please help us to spread the word to teens about warning signs of domestic violence.

  • More than half of women (69.5%) and men (54.6%) who have been physically or sexually abused, or stalked by a dating partner first experienced abuse between the ages of 11 and 24.
  • 8.5% of middle school students report having bullied a classmate
  • Female and male students share the same unfortunate state of 1 in 4 high school students that have experienced sexual and physical abuse by a dating partner have seriously contemplated suicide.

PEOPLE, WAKE UP! THE TIME TO TALK ABOUT ABUSE IS NOW.

Reach Out Speak Out

www.ReachOutSpeakOutDV@gmail.com

Facebook: @ReachOutSpeakOut

A faith based ministry helping victims of domestic violence within our faith community.

501(3)(C)47-1630804

Image by Ulrike Mai from Pixabay

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Love Shouldn’t Hurt / Dating Violence

Calendar, flowers, candy, Valentine's Day

February is the month that love is in the air. February 14th is recognized as Valentine’s Day. As you know, your lover is to shower you with flowers, greeting cards, chocolates, expensive dinners, spa treatments, getaways, etc. etc etc… Abusers are good at showering their partner with gifts and they make sure others know what they did for you.

Do Valentine’s Day Gifts Equal Love?

I remember listening to a person that had an above average income constantly telling others what he bought for his wife. He wanted everyone to know that not only did he buy his significant other an expensive piece of jewelry, but he would tell every detail of the gift and the cost of the gift. Who was he trying to impress? The person receiving the gift or was he trying to sing his own praises?

Many abusers need to be the center of attention and they beat their chests with the price for what they did for you. And, when the person that is receiving the gift (usually with strings attached), accepts the gift, they are expected to be overjoyed with gratefulness for the outward appearance that they are a great partner. You are so lucky to have them in your life!

Reality Check

But wait…is this the same person that two weeks ago said there wasn’t any money for you to spend on something you wanted, or you didn’t deserve to do this or that. That you seriously needed to figure out how to make the grocery money go further?

Happy Valentines —- What does it look like in your relationship?

Is your relationship like a trip to an amusement park and you are on a daily roller coaster?

Love Defined

We all like to receive something kind and thoughtful from our partner. We all like to be honored, respected and remembered in a positive way. Just a reminder.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV)

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

How is your relationship compared to this verse? How are you doing as the victim of domestic violence? How is your partner measuring up to this verse? And, we must look at the victim that can be overwhelmed at times…how are you measuring up to this verse. We do not have an excuse to continue to be in God’s will just because someone does not treat us correctly. God will settle the score, not us.

Reach Out Speak Out

www.ReachOutSpeakOutDV@gmail.com

Facebook: @ReachOutSpeakOut

A faith based ministry helping victims of domestic violence within our faith community.

501(3)(C)47-1630804

photo credit: @hudsoncrafted at unsplash; used with permission

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He’s Making A List, And Checking It Twice

listSanta isn’t the only one that should have a list. If you or someone you know is in an unsafe domestic violence situation, you need to have your own list for when you are ready and able to leave. There’s no time like the present to make your own list and start checking it twice. While you may be waiting to get through the holidays for your kids, family, etc. this is a great time to get ready to leave safely.

What should be on your list? Legal papers (license, social security, birth certificate, passport for you and children), financial paperwork (bank statements, credit report, retirement statements, tax returns), health documents (insurance, medical history for yourself and children), paperwork for your assets (mortgage, rental agreements, car title, car insurance, etc.), personal information (phone numbers, addresses, email addresses, account passwords).

The above list is a starting point, so make your own list and check it twice. Have your escape plan ready so you can get out safely when the time is right. If you don’t have a family or friend you can go to, there are shelters available. In an emergency situation call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233) or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-HOPE (4673).

Stay safe and have a happy holiday season. If you are able, give yourself the best gift you can and get your list started so you can get into a healthier happier new year.

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Be Kind

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.” ― Wendy Mass

Be kind. The ripple effects can go on foreverI was chatting with a new coworker the other day, and we were just getting to know each other. As we were both sharing where we are in life, the fun, the struggles, etc she said “See, that’s why we always have to be nice to people. We never know what they’re going through.” Wow, what a wonderful and timely reminder as we head into the busiest holiday season of the year.

Be nice. Easy, right? Not necessarily. In the hustle and bustle of shopping, cooking, planning, traveling, and more, it’s quite easy to rush and lose patience with people. Family, friends, coworkers, fellow shoppers- anyone is liable to be an outlet for our frustration. But before you lose it with the person that cut you off, consider that they, too are fighting a battle you know nothing about. Take a deep breath, smile, and be kind.

Are you or someone you know fighting a secret battle? Are you hiding bruises or scars (physical, mental or emotional)? Don’t go through it alone. Reach Out Speak Out is here to listen and help. Don’t let another holiday season go by without getting help for yourself or someone you know that needs it. Contact us at ReachOutSpeakOutDv@gmail.com or find us on Facebook.

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‘Tis The Season Of Giving

'Tis The Season of GivingAs we head into December, I can’t help but think about how we are entering the season of giving. Giving Tuesday may be past, but giving -baked goods, time, gifts, love is not. Not only is it the time of giving for friends and family at Christmastime, but it’s also the time to think about year-end gifts for nonprofit organizations like Reach Out Speak Out.

Who We Are

We are a nonprofit 501 3 c organization that reaches out to religious groups and organizations to speak out about how domestic violence is wrong. We offer support to women and children who are getting out of danger and back on their feet in a safe environment. Reach Out Speak Out helps in a variety of ways from a listening ear, to counseling, to short term or long term help, to encouragement and much more.

We have just reached our 5-year mark as a nonprofit, 501 3 c organization and we are really taking off! We need your help. Our first 5-year program family is wrapping up their time and we are taking on more families at the 5-year level and in many other situations that need short or long-term assistance.

Ways To Help

There are many ways to give.
Financially, you can mail a check payable to Reach Out Speak Out to P.O. Box 48797 Tampa, FL 33646. If you would rather donate online,  y
ou can give via PayPal by using the button below:


Please consider us in your charitable giving as this tax year ends. You can feel good that you are blessing a worthy cause while you get a tax break for yourself. Individual, foundation or corporate level we appreciate your time and gift. We also have a scrip gift card program where you can buy (and donate) gift cards for your holiday and everyday shopping needs. See https://reachoutspeakout.org/thankscriping/ for more information.

Don’t have money to donate?  Your time and talents are incredible gifts! We are also looking for auxiliary members. Please contact reachoutspeakoutdv@gmail.com for more information on how to join us!

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Post-Thanksgiving Thoughts

“Nothing is better than going home to family and eating good food and relaxing.” Irina Shayk

Family HolidaysFamily Holidays Aren’t Always Like On TV

But what if your family is not the safe, happy, “perfect” place it appears to be to others? Many people look forward to holidays with friends and family. Yes, you may have that “crazy” family member, that one strained relationship, that recent loss you’re still grieving. Imagine that stress all day, every day, with no warning what will set it off.

For many people in domestic violence relationships, this (holidays) is the most difficult time of year. The abuser has to be on their “best guest behavior” with all the extra family and friends around. They keep up the “perfect family” appearance until the last person leaves, then the floodgates open. Maybe it’s just the regular anger/abuse/frustration. Maybe it’s even worse because they had to “behave” longer than they’re used to.

After The Holidays

When the smiles and happiness of the holidays are over, what goes on behind the closed doors of those “perfect” families? It breaks my heart to think about it. And how hard many of these families work to keep up the appearance of being ok.

Do you know a “perfect” family that isn’t so perfect? One in four women is in a domestic violence relationship. Do you know someone in a domestic violence relationship that needs help? While we cannot help until or unless the abused person is ready for it, Reach Out Speak Out is here year-round to offer support, a listening ear and help. Find us on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/pg/ReachOutSpeakOut/ or email us at reachoutspeakoutdv@gmail.com

 

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