Leaving

Living with domestic abuse can numb you so that you don’t realize what all you have lost. Your aspirations and dreams lie buried under many layers of disappointment, broken promises, emotional wreckage and physical pain inflicted by your partner. You are living in grief. Grief for the loss of your happiness, the loss of the wonderful person you fell in love with, for the plans you had for the future. All gone.

Grief can be defined as the natural reaction , a normal reaction to loss. It can be the loss of a job or your health or a death of a loved one. But the loss of a relationship, even if you’re still in the relationship is still a loss to grieve.

The stages of grief are as follows:

1. Shock / Denial. Disbelief and numb feelings
2. Pain / Guilt. Unbearable pain of loss and guilt for burdening others
3. Anger / Bargaining. Insisting to God that he removes the pain or fix
   the situation.
4. Depression. This may be when you try to isolate, processing the loss
5. Upward turn. Anger and pain have died down, you are calmer.
6. Reconstruction. You begin to piece together parts of your life. Move
   forward.
7. Acceptance / Hope. Acceptance of your new life sinks in with hope
   for the future.

This is the recovery process for loss, the process for healing and moving on.

But what if the process is repeatedly interrupted?

Picture yourself moving through these stages while living with your abuser. They hurt you again but explain why it’s your
fault. You experience stage one, shock, disbelief. The reality of this narcissist, the loss of a perfect partner begins stage two,
pain and guilt.

Next will be stage three, anger, bargaining. Going to God, asking to take the pain away. This can be happening daily or even moment to
moment. Then stage four, depression and isolation. Then, before you know it your abuser strikes again, sending you back to the pain
and guilt of stage two.

You are no closer to healing then you were a month ago, a year ago or longer.

The Holy spirit now begins to press you into looking up to God. Looking for a way to finish grieving and heal. This is the bravest thing you may ever do.

But you are not alone in this. God is always with you and Reach Out Speak Out can be also. We have counselors and resources and testimonies. We are a faith based ministry helping victims become survivors.

You just lean on the Lord and make a choice.

We all hear about starting something new when the calendar rolls over to another new year. Most are not kept for more than three weeks. And those that are determined will stick it out for a couple of months. But what if we really wanted to make a change in our lives. What if we understood that all things are possible with God. What if we didn’t try and do it on our own but placed our “new beginning” in the hands of God.

Along this new journey, God did not say it was going to go as we want it to go or even on our schedule. But we must remember that God’s schedule is perfect. Sometimes we must learn something before we can take any additional steps.

Are you ready to have a new beginning as you leave your abusive relationship? You can have new hope. The dreams that you dream about yourself can happen and you will be a new you. It is a journey. Reach Out Speak Out is faith based so all our hopes and dreams are with the intentions of what God wants in our lives. He wants the best for us. We do not see the path that is best for us all the time. Especially when we are in the middle of abuse. We have tried to “fix” the abuse. Many by becoming codependent and losing ourselves and who God wants us to be. His plans are perfect……even more perfect than our dreams. When we are in the middle of an abusive relationship, we forget that we are beautiful and perfect in God’s eyes. We have lowered our standards to try and stay in the relationship. We have changed and are usually totally exhausted from all the demands and put downs that we have endured through our abuse. This is not what God wants for you and your future. Remember, that God loved you so much that he sent His only son to die for you and for your sins. God loves you. His love is perfect. Trust that the new beginnings and journey with God will be exactly how the new you should be.

You know how it is for a new baby to first crawl and then take those baby steps before they can go outside and run and play? This is the way that we must look at our new beginnings.

There will be a lot of crying. Crying because we are hurting, crying because this life is new. Crying because we don’t feel it is going fast enough or we are not getting what we want. During the time of crying out, find those safe people that will come into your life. That you can express yourself and cry. That you can know that they will understand what you are going through and will be available to you while you are an infant in this new life that you are trying to move to.

It is okay to cry. It is okay to be sad. Just remember, this is a growing period and just like a new baby crying when they need something, you are in need of something.

As we go to our next stage of change, we will start crawling to what we see as our future. Sometimes we will fall right on our face, but we will continue to crawl and get to the thing that you are wishing and dreaming for. It is possible. A baby doesn’t give up trying to get what they see in their eyes are a need, they keep crawling toward it till they reach it. When we want a new beginning, we have a list on paper or in our heads and probably in our hearts. When you are crawling, it begins to seem obtainable.

What does the baby do after they have crawled all over the floor? Their legs start to get more strength so that they can begin pulling themself up off the floor. In our changes to become the new us, we gain strength. We gain strength in who we are, in our determination and we begin to be able to be on our own a little more and maneuver life’s challenges. Just a while back we were crying and didn’t know what to do and our hearts were hurting so bad. God is with us every single cry, crawl and step.