Last week I said I was not directly abused, but grew up seeing my mom stay in a verbally and emotionally abusive relationship. That impacted me as a child, and carried on into young adulthood and even middle age (now). Because I didn’t know what a healthy marriage looked like, I grew up having no desire to meet or marry someone. I didn’t want to go through what I saw happening to my mom. No way, no how! I deserved better, and was happily single and fiercely independent.
No man was going to put me down!
Thankfully, later in life my mom learned how to set up boundaries to keep herself somewhat protected. Sometimes she was very good at enforcing those boundaries, and sometimes not so much. When my my father ended up in a nursing home, and my mom finally realized he wasn’t going to come home, I could see a weight lifted from her shoulders. She was a new, free woman once My father didn’t have 24/7 access to her. Other people noticed she had more “pep in her step”. As an adult “child” then, I realized how profoundly he had affected her. I was glad to see her happier than I had ever seen before, and it gave me some hope that things could work out for some people.
As someone in my early/mid 40s now, I still have no desire to be married. I know there are MANY healthy, happy, positive marriages out there. I have seen them. However, growing up seeing and experiencing what I did, I don’t have any strong urge to see if I would end up in a good relationship or something like my parents had. I believe there is hope for all children that have lived through abuse or grown up around it.
Don’t forget about the kids that see the abuse and get them the help and counseling they need. They are the future!
Beth and her mom had a very special relationship. As her mom became ill, Beth took care of her until God saw that it was time to take her home in December, 2022.
