The hurricane of domestic violence has a pattern.
Waves, wind, calmness, waves, winds, calmness, waves, wind, calmness, waves, wind, calmness, waves, wind, calmness, waves, wind, calmness!!!!!!
There is another similarity between a hurricane and domestic violence. We prepare our home to be comfortable, loving, and something we want to call our own. We want to protect our loved ones, memories and our personal property. We would be very sad if one of our loved ones was hurt.
A hurricane comes in waves. The rain comes, and then the winds begin to batter against the house and the palm trees move around looking as though they are going to snap. The pool water even has waves.
There is a calm…a calm before the next wave of a hurricane. Just when you finally feel settled and you are getting back to the calm and sun and play…boom. The whirling of the results of a hurricane comes around again.
If you have never been in the middle of a hurricane, you may not understand the effects or how to prepare for a hurricane. But if this isn’t your first experience, you will understand that a hurricane warning is not something to ignore. It is something that you need to prepare for and accept.
You may get a reprieve, but as soon as you start feeling safe from the winds and flooding…BOOM…it happens again.
Does this sound like a domestic violence relationship that you or someone you know is in?
I am not saying that couples do not have disagreements or have times when they just are not connecting. But, to what extent are you willing to put your life and the life of your children in jeopardy.
Do you know some of the warning signs of domestic violence? Are you continuing to overlook or to cover up what is going on with the hurricanes of your life inside of your home? What do your friends know? What does your church family know? Are you being honest?
Warning Signs of Domestic Violence
- Calls you names, insults you or continually criticizes you
- Does not trust your and acts jealous or possessive
- Tries to isolate you from family or friends
- Monitors where you go, who you call and who you spend time with
- Doesn’t want you to work or volunteer or get involved with a group
- Controls finances or refuses to share money
- Punishes you by withholding affection
- Expects you to ask permission
- Threatens to hurt you, the children your family or your pets
- Humiliates you
- Tries to control your life
- Unrealistic expectations
- Expects you to be available for them all the time
- Are afraid to express your thoughts
- Makes everyone else responsible for their feelings and all problems are yours
- Push for a quick relationship
- Sees everything as a personal attack
- Blows things out of proportion
- Threatens to reveal personal or damaging information to others
- History of abuse in family
- Breaks or strikes objects near you, damages property
- Pushes, slaps, bites, kicks or chokes you
- Uses weapon to threaten or hurt you or loved ones
- Prevents you from calling police or seeking medical attention
- Physical force.
An abuser is like the hurricane that the weather stations report on. First they start by preparing you for the hurricane, and then they give you information that will help you get ready and tell you how many named hurricanes are expected this year. When the first warning or forecast is shown that your area and home may be in danger, they become more intense with the warnings. Then the TV stations give more air time to the weather reports and even cut in to your favorite TV show because there is danger ahead. They have warned you, they have pleaded with you to prepare.
What is stopping you from leaving your hurricane/domestic violence relationship? How many warnings do you need to hear?
Please, take heed. Do you see yourself or someone you know in the warning signs above? Don’t wait until it is too late. Please do not be a casualty.
*To read additional information about the author of this blog, you may be interested in her book called, “It Started With A Hamburger”. It can be downloaded from Amazon.com All royalties go to Reach Out Speak Out.