Vicki Garcia

Living with domestic abuse can numb you so that you don’t realize what all you have lost. Your aspirations and dreams lie buried under many layers of disappointment, broken promises, emotional wreckage and physical pain inflicted by your partner. You are living in grief. Grief for the loss of your happiness, the loss of the wonderful person you fell in love with, for the plans you had for the future. All gone.

Grief can be defined as the natural reaction , a normal reaction to loss. It can be the loss of a job or your health or a death of a loved one. But the loss of a relationship, even if you’re still in the relationship is still a loss to grieve.

The stages of grief are as follows:

1. Shock / Denial. Disbelief and numb feelings
2. Pain / Guilt. Unbearable pain of loss and guilt for burdening others
3. Anger / Bargaining. Insisting to God that he removes the pain or fix
   the situation.
4. Depression. This may be when you try to isolate, processing the loss
5. Upward turn. Anger and pain have died down, you are calmer.
6. Reconstruction. You begin to piece together parts of your life. Move
   forward.
7. Acceptance / Hope. Acceptance of your new life sinks in with hope
   for the future.

This is the recovery process for loss, the process for healing and moving on.

But what if the process is repeatedly interrupted?

Picture yourself moving through these stages while living with your abuser. They hurt you again but explain why it’s your
fault. You experience stage one, shock, disbelief. The reality of this narcissist, the loss of a perfect partner begins stage two,
pain and guilt.

Next will be stage three, anger, bargaining. Going to God, asking to take the pain away. This can be happening daily or even moment to
moment. Then stage four, depression and isolation. Then, before you know it your abuser strikes again, sending you back to the pain
and guilt of stage two.

You are no closer to healing then you were a month ago, a year ago or longer.

The Holy spirit now begins to press you into looking up to God. Looking for a way to finish grieving and heal. This is the bravest thing you may ever do.

But you are not alone in this. God is always with you and Reach Out Speak Out can be also. We have counselors and resources and testimonies. We are a faith based ministry helping victims become survivors.

You just lean on the Lord and make a choice.