The Hurricane of Domestic Violence – Part 1 (2020)

the hurricane of domestic violenceAs hurricane season gets fully under way, it seems an appropriate time to visit the hurricane emergency checklists. These checklists are also an excellent tool in preparing to leave a domestic violence situation.

The meteorologists give names to hurricanes. If you live in an area that gets hurricanes, you know there are specific things that must be done to prepare yourself, your family and your belongings.

There are warnings from all media outlets, grocery stores prepare to have the things you need to survive. Home improvement stores keep the stores stocked with things to keep you safe.

Have you ever been in the middle of a hurricane? Some of you have received many many warnings to prepare and to leave your home so that you can be safe.

It takes time to prepare to leave. If you wait till the last moment, or are in a hurry, there
will be situations and things that will be lost. Hopefully this doesn’t include life.

How many of you would consider staying in your home when you have been warned that
you need to leave to be safe? How many of you would know and understand that there are
serious dangers but you just stay in your home and take a chance that somehow, someway
you will be spared from danger or even loss of life?

Wouldn’t you prepare? How about the hurricanes that is in your life? Specifically, the
hurricanes that are happening “inside” your home? The hurricane I am talking about is called
domestic violence.

How does your logic measure up to staying vs. your logic to stay even though you will be in
the path of a hurricane?

Do you see the similarity? Did you know you can prepare to leave safely from a domestic
violence relationship in the same way? You can use the guidelines. What if the authorities
came to your home and drove down your street with a loud siren and microphone warning
you to leave. How long would it take you to leave? Why? Are you waiting to leave your
domestic violence relationship?

Let’s get ready for the hurricane of domestic violence in your home. One in three women
is in a domestic violence relationship. If not you — it is your neighbor, friend, relative, co-
worker or that person in your church at the end of your row.

List of things to get together when you prepare to leave safely because of a hurricane/domestic violence:

1.   Birth Certificates for all family members
2.   Social Security cards/numbers
3.   Prescriptions (make sure they are full)
4.   Doctors contact information
5.   Oil Change for vehicles
6.   Tires in good condition
7.   Full tank of gas in your car
8.   Extra gas can
9.   Brakes/belts/hoses
10. Car phone charger
11. All bank account numbers and information
12. Line of Credit /loan information
13. Mortgage/rental agreements
14. CASH (if electric is out a credit card cannot be used)
15. Credit card/debit information
16. Any contracts/agreement papers
17. Write down all email addresses
18. Write down all contact information
19. Write down all sign in and passwords
20. Write down your electronic address book
(Internet may not be available to you. You need a hard copy.)
21. Remember vitamins/supplements
22. Passport/Visa/Green Card
23. Write it down!!!Emergency phone/contact numbers
24. Electronic devices powered up just in case you can use them
25. Insurance policies
26. Make an extra set of keys to EVERYTHING
27. REMEMBER ALL EMERGENCY CONTACT INFORMATION
28. List of utility companies with your account # & contact info
29. List of contacts from your work related people
30. Download everything to a thumb drive or other devise for
safe keeping and to have an extra copy
31. Have your children pick out a few of their favorite things
and make sure you take them with you
32. Batteries for all those gaming devices
33. Your favorite clothing/shoes
34. Photo albums (Now is the time to download them to an
auxiliary device.)
35. Our pets are a member of our family. They should get the
same care and preparedness as your two legged children.
36. Shot Records
37. Vet contact information
38. A place that you can be with them at a shelter or home
39. Food / treats
40. Medications
41. Cage or carrying case
42. Flashlight
43. Whistle
44. First Aid Kit
45. Crank Radio (NOAA Weather Radio)
46. Maps
47. Your daily health and beauty items
48. Water
49. Gatorade or hydration drinks
50. Canned foods
51. Hand held can opener
52. Matches
53. A book/puzzles
*To read additional information about the author of this blog, you may be interested in her book called, “It
Started With A Hamburger”. It can be downloaded from Amazon.com All royalties go to Reach Out Speak
Out.

Donate By Shopping With Scrip!

piggy bank stay calm and save money

Would you like to donate to Reach Out Speak Out, but you just can’t seem to find it in your budget?

Here’s a great way to help us and it doesn’t cost you anything.

It’s called ShopWithScrip.com. ShopWithScrip is a gift card-buying program. You can purchase gift cards from over 750 brands! There are also e-gift cards available in case you’re short on time for a forgotten birthday or holiday.

When you ShopWithScrip, you buy gift cards for things you might normally buy anyway, but Reach Out Speak Out gets a percentage of what you spend and it costs you absolutely nothing! Scrip can even be worked into your monthly budget. If you know you’re going to shop at Publix, for example, go ahead and buy Scrip in the amount of your budget and then just use the gift cards as you need them. Everyone wins!

How To Use Scrip

It’s really easy! Just go to ShopWithScrip.com and use our enrollment code: 32CEDEL242629 when prompted. Do your shopping and benefit a worthy cause at the same time!

Image by Gino Crescoli from Pixabay

To Leave Or Not To Leave… Part One

Woman with suitcase

To Leave Or Not To Leave is a series of blog posts submitted under the condition of anonymity for obvious reasons. It is, therefore, published under the Admin’s authorship.

Stay and Pray – Not To Leave

I have been married for several years. At least once during each of those years, I have gone through a prolonged period of wondering whether it would be best to leave or not to leave my marriage. The first time was the weekend we got married. Something had changed and I felt sick to the pit of my stomach.

Every instinct was screaming that I had made a mistake. The understanding I have from my Bible and many of my Christian friends told me that I had married him and that the right thing to do was to “stay and pray.” After all, he didn’t beat me or starve me or actually abuse me. If there are no marks, there’s no abuse, right? All the stuff you hear about mental or emotional abuse is really just women being hypersensitive and overreacting, you know. Especially if you are of a certain age.

So I stayed. And I prayed. Oh, how I prayed. At first, I prayed for him to change. And I realized that’s not really how God works so much. So I prayed for God to change me. To make me a better wife, a better person, a better Christian.

Nothing changed. Well, at least, not in the way I had hoped.

Waking Up Sad

I guess it’s not really true that nothing changed. Some of my relationships did. Fundamental parts of me did. I had mostly always felt kind of warrior-strong. I didn’t anymore. I doubted myself. I felt weak and unable to make decisions. I had always awakened happy. More and more, I started waking up sad. I wanted to stay in bed and not deal with the day. I did a poor job of staying in touch with my friends and family. To be fair, I can’t say that he isolated me so much as, because of how I felt, I isolated myself.

I was always afraid to have him around my friends, never being sure of how he would act or what he would say. Mostly, though, I had lost faith that I had any value. Under the weight of constant criticism and neglect, I was afraid that I was stupid and irresponsible and not at all worthy of  love.

I had so much to learn.

… more next week …

 

Photo Credit: Resi Kling

Love Shouldn’t Hurt / Dating Violence #4

angry man pointing finger in blame

Love Shouldn’t Hurt

Do you or do you know someone that is dating and you just don’t feel comfortable with the relationship? Whether it is your own relationship or a friend that you see changing, take a moment to read some of the warning signs of dating violence below. You could save someone’s life from a relationship that is harder and harder to get out of due to the control of the abuser. Remember, an abuser wants to always be in control. If they feel they are losing the control of you or your friend, they will push a lot harder to keep it going. They do not want to lose.

Information from: www.ncdsv.org

What Are the Early Warning Signs of Teen Dating Violence?

Researchers who study teen dating violence have identified several early warning signs that a dating relationship might be likely to turn violent. These warning signs do not mean a relationship will definitely turn violent. However, if you notice several of them in your relationship or partner, you may need to re- evaluate your dating relationship. These warning signs include:

  • Excessive jealousy
  • Constant checking in with you or making you check in with him or her
  • Attempts to isolate you from friends and family
  • Insulting or putting down people that you care about
  • Is too serious about the relationship too quickly
  • Has had a lot of bad prior relationships – and blames all of the problems on the previous partners
  • Is very controlling
  • This may include giving you orders, telling you what to wear, and trying to make all of the decisions for you
  • Blames you when he or she treats you badly by telling you all of the ways you provoked him or her
  • Does not take responsibility for own actions
  • Has an explosive temper (“blows up” a lot)
  • Pressures you into sexual activity with which you are not comfortable
  • Has a history of fighting, hurting animals, or brags about mistreating other people
  • Believes strongly in stereotypical gender roles for males and females
  • You worry about how your partner will react to the things you say or you are afraid of provoking your partner
  • Owns or uses weapons
  • Refuses to let you end the relationship

What can you do if you notice these signs in your relationship?

Trust your intuition! If you believe there may be a problem in your relationship, you are probably right. Do not ignore the warning signs. Research has found that those who have a tendency to engage in relationship violence escalate their abuse over time. In other words, it gets worse over time, not better.

  • Spend time with people you care about other than your partner
  • Stay in touch with your friends
  • Keep up with activities that you enjoy and that make you feel good about yourself
  • You might consider looking into what help or resources might be available in your school or area
  • You might also want to consider calling a domestic violence hotline or shelter for more information before you experience a crisis

 

Reach Out Speak Out

www.ReachOutSpeakOutDV@gmail.com

Facebook: @ReachOutSpeakOut

A faith based ministry helping victims of domestic violence within our faith community.

501(3)(C)47-1630804

 

photo credit: Image by ashish choudhary from Pixabay

Love Shouldn’t Hurt / Dating Violence Part 3

couple at a restaurant; he is kissing her hand

Before going out on a date with someone, think about these verses. If your date does not demonstrate and treat you like the Bible says they should, there shouldn’t be a second date.

1 Corinthians 15:33  (NIV)

33 Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”[a]

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 English Standard Version (ESV)

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;[a] it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Stage 1: Have you heard anyone say…He’s/she’s great isn’t he/she? Do you mean they meet the standards above? Sweet, charming, cute, funny and so loving and I’m really in to them.

Stage2: Does your date say things like… “I’m just saying this because I am jealous of you and I really like you a lot. I’m becoming obsessed with you. Don’t get angry but I am not sure I can let go of you.

(Time to take a look at the motive behind their words and actions.)

Proverbs 4:23 NIV

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

Knowing the warning signs may help you identify a friend or loved one victimized by dating abuse:

  • Intense mood swings
  • Loss of interests in things they used to do with you as a group and things they were interested in before starting to date this person
  • Withdrawal from friends and family and no longer has the time to go out with the group of people they used to hang out with
  • Signs of physical harm or wants to change their appearance or what they do and how they act with words and actions
  • Drug use, alcohol, eating changes
  • Unexplainable fear and withdraws from talking with you and socializing
  • Sabotage or discontinued use of birth control
  • Sexual activity
  • Won’t return your phone calls, texts, social media but is constantly in contact with the new dating partner

Galatians 5:22-24 English Standard Version (ESV)

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. 24 And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

 

Reach Out Speak Out

www.ReachOutSpeakOutDV@gmail.com

Facebook: @ReachOutSpeakOut

A faith based ministry helping victims of domestic violence within our faith community.

501(3)(C)47-1630804

photo credit: Relevante design

Love Shouldn’t Hurt / Dating Violence Pt 2

Desperate sad woman, head in hands

DATING VIOLENCE

What if we didn’t wait to tell people about the warning signs of domestic violence when they got married and in a legal arrangement. What if we educated everyone of the warning signs and what domestic violence is before our children start dating.

  • Did you know one in three teenagers in the United States of America have experienced teenage domestic violence in a dating relationship? (Physical, emotional or verbal)
  • Nearly 1.5 million high school students experience physical abuse from a dating partner in 2019
  • 1 – 10 high school students has been purposefully hit, slapped or physically hurt by a boyfriend/girlfriend
  • 33% of teens who were in an abusive relationship never tell anyone about the abuse
  • 81% of parents believe teen dating violence is not an issue or admit they don’t know if it’s an issue

RESPECT

The definition of respect is….a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements. To admire someone deeply.

  • Roughly 1.5 million high school students admit to being hit or physically harmed last year by someone they are romantically involved with
  • Teens who suffer dating abuse are subject to long term consequences like alcoholism, eating disorders, promiscuity, thoughts of suicide and violent behaviors.
  • 50% of young people who experience rape and physical abuse will attempt to commit suicide

(Information collected by Domestic Violence Services, Inc. December, 2019)

Please help us to spread the word to teens about warning signs of domestic violence.

  • More than half of women (69.5%) and men (54.6%) who have been physically or sexually abused, or stalked by a dating partner first experienced abuse between the ages of 11 and 24.
  • 8.5% of middle school students report having bullied a classmate
  • Female and male students share the same unfortunate state of 1 in 4 high school students that have experienced sexual and physical abuse by a dating partner have seriously contemplated suicide.

PEOPLE, WAKE UP! THE TIME TO TALK ABOUT ABUSE IS NOW.

Reach Out Speak Out

www.ReachOutSpeakOutDV@gmail.com

Facebook: @ReachOutSpeakOut

A faith based ministry helping victims of domestic violence within our faith community.

501(3)(C)47-1630804

Image by Ulrike Mai from Pixabay

Love Shouldn’t Hurt / Dating Violence

Calendar, flowers, candy, Valentine's Day

February is the month that love is in the air. February 14th is recognized as Valentine’s Day. As you know, your lover is to shower you with flowers, greeting cards, chocolates, expensive dinners, spa treatments, getaways, etc. etc etc… Abusers are good at showering their partner with gifts and they make sure others know what they did for you.

Do Valentine’s Day Gifts Equal Love?

I remember listening to a person that had an above average income constantly telling others what he bought for his wife. He wanted everyone to know that not only did he buy his significant other an expensive piece of jewelry, but he would tell every detail of the gift and the cost of the gift. Who was he trying to impress? The person receiving the gift or was he trying to sing his own praises?

Many abusers need to be the center of attention and they beat their chests with the price for what they did for you. And, when the person that is receiving the gift (usually with strings attached), accepts the gift, they are expected to be overjoyed with gratefulness for the outward appearance that they are a great partner. You are so lucky to have them in your life!

Reality Check

But wait…is this the same person that two weeks ago said there wasn’t any money for you to spend on something you wanted, or you didn’t deserve to do this or that. That you seriously needed to figure out how to make the grocery money go further?

Happy Valentines —- What does it look like in your relationship?

Is your relationship like a trip to an amusement park and you are on a daily roller coaster?

Love Defined

We all like to receive something kind and thoughtful from our partner. We all like to be honored, respected and remembered in a positive way. Just a reminder.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV)

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

How is your relationship compared to this verse? How are you doing as the victim of domestic violence? How is your partner measuring up to this verse? And, we must look at the victim that can be overwhelmed at times…how are you measuring up to this verse. We do not have an excuse to continue to be in God’s will just because someone does not treat us correctly. God will settle the score, not us.

Reach Out Speak Out

www.ReachOutSpeakOutDV@gmail.com

Facebook: @ReachOutSpeakOut

A faith based ministry helping victims of domestic violence within our faith community.

501(3)(C)47-1630804

photo credit: @hudsoncrafted at unsplash; used with permission

BE The Change Week 4

Do Something Great - BE the change!

BE THE CHANGE IN 2020

     What will you do to help Reach Out Speak Out?  You don’t know much about domestic violence and you have never experienced abuse?   Here are some statistics that will educate you to why it is very important.

  • 3 women die every day because of domestic violence
  • Nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner.  

    Surprised?

  • The number of American troops in Afghanistan and Iraq from 2001 – 2012 saw 6,488 people killed.  For the same period of time, 11,766 women were murdered by their current or ex-male partner.  Huff Post
  • Women with a disability are 40% more likely to experience intimate partner violence
  • Every minute 20 people are victims of intimate partner violence
  • Worldwide- men who were exposed to domestic violence as a child are 3 to 4 times more likely to perpetrate intimate partner violence as an adult vs. men who did not experience domestic violence as a child
  • A women is beaten every 9 seconds in the United States of America
  • Women who are victims of domestic violence are 8 times more likely to be killed by an intimate partner if there are firearms in the house
  • Black women experience intimate partner violence 35% more than white women
  • Domestic violence is the 3rd leading cause of homelessness among families. 

    Do you still feel that we should be silent about domestic violence?  Do you still believe it is a family matter and that we should not get involved with those that are in a domestic violence situation?  

    It is very important that we honor our military and they should be honored.  But, I personally feel that it is time to also do what God has told us to do and that is to honor our wives. 

         Ephesians 5:33, Paul writes, “let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” In addition to his command toward men, Paul says a wife should respect her husband. 

         Proverbs 3:27 Give Honor Where Honor Is Due. 

         Proverbs 3:27 – Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to act. If you have the power to do good, do it as unto the Lord.

     Don’t wait to send flowers to her funeral. 

Make 2020 the year that will be free of domestic violence!

ReachOutSpeakOut.org 

ReachOutSpeakOutDV@gmail.com

501(3)(C) 47-1630804

BE The Change in 2020 Week 3

We Can Be Heroes For Just One Day - David Bowie

Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” Mahatma Gandhi

     You don’t have to understand or know what to do if you think someone is in a domestic violence relationship. 

     How can you help?

  • Know the warning signs
  • Give the person you think may be in a domestic violence relationship the palm card with the warning signs
  • Smile at them and show yourself friendly and with an open heart
  • Invite them to church or a church activity
  • Buy them a meal or a cup of coffee to sit and listen to them. 
  • Have a kind and gentle spirit
  • Appreciate them – find something to encourage them about
  • Be available
  • Believe that you can make a difference in someone’s life — because you are
  • Have faith and pray for them

    BE THE CHANGE IN 2020

    How can you be the change in this world in 2020?   Start with yourself.

  • Start with yourself and evaluate yourself first and then your partner, friends, loved ones, co-workers.  But start with you. 
  • Share your life experiences with someone that is traveling the same road that you have been on before.

    I believe that God does not allow us to go through anything except to learn and to help someone else.  He has trusted us with this experience.  And if we do not help someone else in the same situation, we are wasting these precious moments of lessons and learning.  And, we will also miss the blessing of seeing you able to encourage and walk through a valley with someone else.

    First help yourself to be where God wants you to be.  Then, be available for those that need you in their lives.

James 4:8  (ESV)

Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.

 

Make 2020 the year that will be free of domestic violence!

ReachOutSpeakOut.org 

ReachOutSpeakOutDV@gmail.com

501(3)(C) 47-1630804

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