Elizabeth Sullivan

Do you know someone who is living in a domestic violence situation? Have you ever wondered how you can help them? Reach Out Speak Out can be a resource. For nearly 10 years, we have been helping Tampa Bay families escape dv situations. The first question we ask a potential client is “are you safe”. If they are not safe we advise them to call 911 and the police will help get them to a safe place. Once we ascertain that they are safe, we advise them to get a restraining order for protection. We have resources for the different stages.

Shelters are a valuable resource short term. Our goal is to help the families
become survivors and thrivers.

• Sunshine (Pasco) Hotline-352-521-3120
• CASA (Pinellas) Hotline-727-895-4912
• Spring (Hillsborough) Hotline-813-247-7233 (SAFE)

For legal help, the Florida Domestic Violence and National Domestic Violence
Hotlines are crucial resources:

• Florida Domestic Violence Hotline-1-800-500-1119
• National Domestic Violence Hotline-1-800-799-7233

If the potential client does not have an attorney, we refer them to Are You Safe. They are a non-profit that helps the victims get a restraining order for their family’s protection. The Crisis Center of Tampa Bay is another resource that we recommend to our potential clients

• Are You Safe-813-997-7432
• Crisis Center of Tampa Bay-Emergency-211

If you have someone who may need assistance, don’t hesitate to contact us for more information at ReachOutSpeakOut [email protected].

Domestic violence is about control and power and typically is perpetrated by men against women, though the frequency with which men are reporting abuse is on the rise. A recent study Prevention found that 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men in the United States have experienced a form of intimate partner abuse or violence in their lifetime.

Victims of abuse suffer intensely and experience emotional problems that will endure long past the end of the violence. Children in homes where domestic violence is present are more likely to be abused, and even if not physically harmed, they may have emotional and behavioral problems. Studies show that children raised in a domestic violence environment are more like to go on to abuse others unless the cycle is interrupted.

There are many kinds of domestic violence and destroys relationships. These relationships may include a spouse or intimate partner including dating relationships. It involves behavior on the part of one person to control and intimidate another.

This behavior, characterized as harassing, intimidating or threatening, can include actual or threatened physical assault, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse or financial abuse.

Domestic violence includes actual physical violence, such as assault (pushing, choking, hitting, pinching, slapping, etc.). It also can include acts of sexual abuse (forcing or coercing someone into unwanted sexual activity-rape). These types of behaviors are criminal in most jurisdictions, and the person who engages in them can be arrested and charged, with or without the consent of the victim of the violence or abuse.

Domestic violence also includes harassing, intimidating and threatening behavior. This could include stalking, where one person repeatedly follows, watches or contacts another person. Domestic violence also includes verbal abuse, psychological abuse and emotional abuse.

This may involve name calling and putdowns. It might include isolating a person from his or her family and friends or refusing to allow him or her to get a job. It might entail financial abuse, such as withholding money or demanding that the other person account for every dollar spent.

Threatening loved ones is a common form of abuse, including threatening to harm or kill the victim, their children, their parents, their friends or even pets. Threats can sometimes include a threat to commit suicide.

So, you’ve done it. You’ve left your violent partner, gotten emergency help and you are on the road to a new and safer life for yourself and your children. Congratulations, you’ve shown incredible courage and strength and you deserve a pat on the back. It isn’t always an easy road. You … and your children if they were involved … have been through a very traumatic experience and you may need help for quite some time. Accept the help if it is offered, and don’t be afraid to ask for help. Take part in group therapy, seek out counseling and support groups. Search for internet resources where DV survivors get together online and chat.

Don’t jump into a new relationship too soon. You need time to heal, both mentally and physically before you are ready to be a part of a new relationship. You need to learn to trust again. Research shows that women who form new relationships too soon after abuse are more vulnerable to new abuse. Take your time. There’s no rush. It is important that you are OK with being with yourself before you add another person to the mix.

You may be feeling that you will never be able to trust again. You may be thinking that all men are alike and that you will never feel safe in a relationship again. Believe me, you WILL feel better and be able to move on. It is different lengths of time for different people.

Sadly, domestic violence toward women is something that happens, but it is something that you CAN and WILL get over. Just don’t do it alone. Make the most of all the help that is readily available to you.

You’re not alone!

When you are in the middle of a domestic violence relationship, you feel like you are the only one! Not true.

Reach Out Speak Out is dedicated to ending the silence and stigma around being an abused person. Most every city has resources for battered women and shelters to make sure you are safe. If you find yourself in such a situation, reach out! If you are not safe, call 911 and the police will help you get to safety. If you connect with others in similar situations, it will help you find the strength to become a survivor.

In reading, I have found a site where you can read stories of others in DV situations. When you have a moment or need inspiration check out http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/domestic_violence_stories.html. This webpage has numerous resources and lots of stories about others going through DV too.

One of my favorite mantras on domestic violence is that “you will never be a survivor as long as you remain a victim”.

Why does domestic violence occur? 

Domestic violence is negative emotion channeled into a physical, mental or emotional the inappropriate outburst onto the significant other.  This outburst, which is overwhelmingly male-to-female violence is due to a combination of stress, poor impulse control and a lack of appropriate coping mechanisms. Men who have witnessed or experienced violence in their family are more likely to perpetrate it in their romantic relationships.

For couples, domestic violence tends to persist in a cycle.  First, tension builds between the batterer and the woman. Second, the perpetuation of violence and third, the abuser appears calm and loving, begs for forgiveness, and promises to seek help. During this third phase, the man acts deferentially, often showering his partner with attention and gifts and treating her like a queen.  Victims tend to avoid seeking help or stop any legal action against partners during this phase.

Domestic violence persists because of silence. Victims who often feel scared or ashamed remain quiet, avoid getting help or letting others know about what is happening to them.  Unfortunately, this silence, which is understandable, tends to reinforce the idea that domestic violence is uncommon and should remain a private matter.

In order to end the cycle of domestic violence, we must come together, express empathy for victims, and intolerance for abusers.  If you, or if someone you know is being harmed in your home, you are not alone.  Please get help and let others know what is happening. 

Let’s make this Valentine’s Day the beginning of the end of the cycle of domestic violence.